Your movie sucks

The title of this post refers to a compilation of Roger Ebert’s reviews of movies he hated. I wouldn’t be surprised if it sells very well.

Every once in a while, someone posts a message on this blog saying, “I’d like to read your review of Ramgopal Verma Ki Aag” or something along those lines. The implication being that a nasty review of a bad movie is a lot of fun to read.

I wish I could say something noble, such as that I don’t enjoy being an a**h*** but someone’s gotta do it. Truth is, I do enjoy writing those reviews. When I watch a movie I don’t like, I spend some of its duller moments circling the material, looking for a punchline. So sue me.

Anyway, I was wondering today about savage reviews I personally loved, and decided to list them down for your pleasure.

3. Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo: This review by Roger Ebert gave his book its name. I had the singular misfortune of seeing this movie and I could see why he didn’t like it. Incidentally, he also wrote a nice article much later, when its star Rob Schneider sent him flowers when he was recuperating from surgery.

2. The Hottie and the Nottie: This review by James Berardinelli has what is probably the best description of Paris Hilton I have read so far: professional celebrity and amateur porn star. Let’s just say the rest of the review lives up to that line. His review is so good, it makes me want to see the movie.

1. Freddie Got Fingered: Pretty much everybody hated this movie (unseen by me). The reviews were so savage, it wasn’t even funny. But the most savage review I read was this one by Ebert. The sheer venom dripping from the last line still has me speechless.

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