To Kate Winslet

Dear Kate,

Congratulations! I am extremely glad that you won not one, but two Golden Globes for your performances this year. I haven’t seen either movie, but I am sure you deserved them.

I am fairly certain that the Oscars aren’t that far away. The Academy has a habit of awarding people a statuette on the basis of cumulative achievement, so there is only so long that you can keep racking up the record for maximum number of nominations before a certain age.

But when you do win, could you please spend some time preparing a good acceptance speech? Practice before a mirror, learn to compose yourself before you walk on stage, do what you have to do. Spend some quality time with Brits who seem to know how it should be done with class and wit — Hugh Laurie, Emma Thompson… It can’t be all that difficult.

Whatever you do, just don’t stand there gasping thank-yous like you’re orgasming after a mercy fuck. It doesn’t become someone of your stature.

Okay? Okay.



ps: Youtube link attached for those of you who haven’t seen it. To her credit, she starts off by apologizing to the other nominees for having taken more than her share πŸ™‚


14 thoughts on “To Kate Winslet

  1. LOL. She looks so elegant and poised but she did blather! I am pretty sure I would do no better, though. Must be scary to be up there in front of all those people (including tv viewers!)…

  2. hehaeehaheehheee-
    that was so funny!
    I bet she had been waiting a heck of a long time for this, resulting in the nervousness. Also re: Hugh Laurie- I love the man, and never miss HOUSE, but even I have to admit he was stage-stuck (!!!!!) during his SNL stint.

  3. Thanks, folks πŸ˜€

    I’ve been waiting forever for Kate to win. She’s never been the frontrunner in any particular year, but if there was an award for consistency, she’d be a shoo-in.

    I just wish she didn’t blubber up there, despite how pleasantly shocked she must be.

    Shweta>> From what I hear, SNL seems to make even the best of them stage-struck πŸ™‚


  4. That “orgasming after a mercy fuck” bit was mwahahahahahaha funny!

    amd for those of your readers who haven’t seen it (a.k.a me), please, please include a youtube video…

  5. Rajendran says:

    Macchi – That was a solid letter. Mercy fuck was just the perfect phrase to describe her antics on stage. I am back as a regular to your posts

  6. Rajendran says:

    By the way, you mention Emma Thompson in that letter. I am assuming you are referring to that wonderful speech she gave after winning the Best Screenplay for Sense and Sensibility. If that is not what you are referring to, then let me know.

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