Complex finance

Disclaimer: “As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.” — Albert Einstein

As Havelock Vetinari once said, if you’re gonna have crime, you might as well have organized crime. With all the black money getting hoarded in numbered Swiss bank accounts and holding companies in Mauritius and God alone knows where else, maybe we ought to simply acknowledge this parallel economy and be done with it.

Aside: What’s with the term “numbered Swiss bank account” anyway? I’ve seen it in a bunch of places and it’s always puzzled me. All my bank accounts, none of them Swiss, none of them groaning under the weight of ill-gotten gains, are numbered. What’s so special about numbered Swiss bank accounts? And what is more, it gets mentioned only in connection with large sums of money. How does it work for some Herr Gottlieb flipping burgers at the McDonalds in Zurich? Does he have a named bank account? Does it get named after him, or do they just pick out a name at random? Is there a minimum balance restriction to get numbers?

Now, back to the business of organized black money. What if we allowed people to quote their assets as complex numbers? You know, in the form: x + iy. x, the real part, could represent the white money, while y, the imaginary part (for legal purposes anyway), could represent the black money.

Once the system takes hold, politicians could use the complex number system to talk about the number of votes they received in an election. Accountants (of the Enron and Satyam alumni variety) could build entire annual reports in the complex number system. Swiss banks don’t have to worry: they could just quote the imaginary part for numbered accounts and the real part for named accounts.

One problem with the whole thing is perception: when someone says that the real part of his net worth is 50 lakhs and the imaginary part is 2000 crores, it sounds so disproportionate that it causes people to get all outraged and wonder what brand of dog food the country might prefer. Therefore, I propose that we introduce a new currency unit called black rupee, defined as being equal to 1 mole of normal rupees. (1 mole = 6.023 * 10^23, in case your experience of high school Chemistry was limited to gazing at that cute girl/guy on the bench across from you in class.)

Now, all that remains is for us to understand how the real and imaginary parts interact and change from one to the other. Hopefully, one of the wonderful people involved with IPL will have some time during the post-season lull to pull out their complex analysis textbook and give me a tutorial. Watch this space for further mathematical revelations.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Complex finance

  1. B-eat-Rice says:

    Amrita: IPL, as in Inferno-Perdita Ltd.? Then it makes sense, coz you know, “Dante and Shakespeare divide the world between them, there is no third,” wrote T.S. Eliot in the dust-jacket of (John Ciardi’s translation of) The Inferno.

    And in that vein, Terry Pratchett fanboy, we’re probably better off doing away with The (Avogadro?) Number altogether, no? because, apparently, It is all about The Word! 😀

  2. B-eat-Rice says:

    BTW, here’s a “mathematical revelation”: The day after I wondered, if only in jest, whether we’d be better off doing away with your (black rupee = ) Avogadro number altogether, I saw Noothukku Nooru… Yup, K Balachander made me eat my thayir saadham, so to speak. 😀

    What. A. Movie. (In terms of Number and Name co-existing, among other things: Jai Shankar is Prakash, the Math prof, who also teaches Organic Chemistry, and he’s a tenant at Stella’s house (she’s a devout Christian, Anglo-Indian…there’s a Bard nod too, in the form of “You too, Stella”, aside from the obvious Brando one… oh I could go on. Do watch it if you haven’t).

    There are quirky juxtapositions of (mis)spellings and numbers throughout, the best one being the closing shot (at the wedding) where the student (a really youthful YG Mahendran) “marks” his prof’s white shirt with a black 100/100, while Nagesh holds up the “Nandri” (The End) placard, spelled with the wrong “Ra”, LOL!

  3. Shilpa says:

    That is hilarious!
    A numbered swiss bank account is one that is operated solely by a number (no names) in order to maintain confidentiality.
    Maybe your number could be 6.23*10^23, if you ever open one?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s